HAMPTON, Va. — Codi Bigsby’s disappearance has gripped the Hampton community for the last two weeks.
His father, Cory Bigsby, first reported Codi missing on Jan. 31. Cory faces seven felony child neglect charges unrelated to Codi’s disappearance.
The community isn't losing hope. Volunteers have searched and people have prayed that Codi will be found.
One Hampton Roads therapist said it's easy to get wrapped up in this case, but you can't let it consume you.
The "Codi Bigsby-- Missing from Hampton, VA" Facebook group has 23,000 members from all across the country. It's a community where people post their questions, theories and prayers for Codi Bigsby.
One woman wrote, "I don’t know Codi personally, but this story has touched my heart."
"We're all sad mentally and even physically exhausted over this case," wrote another.
A third simply said "#CodiStrong."
Hampton therapist Sharde O’Rourke said she understands why this case has touched so many.
"Any time I see a Black child missing, it feels like my child," she said. "The idea that a four-year-old child is missing is outrageous."
She said there is this pressure to do everything you can to find them.
"What I’ve found is the disparity between what happens when Black kids go missing and this outrage or outpour of like, we need to be intentional about looking for them. We need to be proactive about alerting people that they’re missing and finding them."
But she said there’s another side to that coin.
"How do I balance caring and being proactive and supporting with also like my individual emotions attached to my family? What if this was my kid? What if this was my nephew or my student?"
She said you’ve got to find that balance.
"If this is creating dysfunction for me, maybe that is the line. If I am finding that I am so emotionally involved that I can’t be productive in my day-to-day, then I need to take a break."
O’Rourke said there is nothing wrong with setting a time limit on helping in whatever way works best for you.
"As a part of my routine, until this is resolved, I want to set aside 10 minutes, 20 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour to volunteer, write a post, read some things, catch up," she said. "If I feel like my part in helping is my voice? Use that. Also, be clear about when I have to say enough."
She said sometimes these cases can cause people to question their own parenting skills. That's when you need to sit and ask yourself "why?"
"Where is this energy coming from for me? Do I believe I need to be a bit more intentional about protecting my children?" she said. "Do I need to spend more time with my children? Is this about guilt or shame for me? Sometimes there is a connection between the two."
She also encouraged people to know that, at some point, it’s healthy to accept that the outcome may not be what you want it to be.
"There are so many possibilities, so even coming to like, 'Okay I’m gonna do all I can do, but I also want to be honest and realistic about what to expect.'"
However, she said that doesn’t mean you should ever give up hope.