In 2019, Patricia "Pathy" Valiente was a 38-year-old military wife and busy caring for her two young boys. She described life then as normal-- routine even.
"I was just a mom with my husband deployed and doing everything on my own," Valiente said. "Life was really calm, cool, and collected. I had two happy kids at the house, and that was my life."
But life changed on November 15th of that year. In an instant, she said her world was turned upside down.
"I got the call at 6 o’clock in the afternoon, and it was a doctor," Valiente said. "And she called and said, 'I cannot let you wait until Friday.' This was a Wednesday. 'You need to know right now that it’s positive.'"
A doctor she hadn't seen in more than a year informed her she had breast cancer.
Despite the overwhelming news, Valiente focused on keeping life stable for her boys, who were just one and six years old at the time.
"We talked about for 30 minutes on the phone. I don’t really remember what we talked about," Valiente said. "We hung up the phone, and I cried for five minutes... and I started cooking dinner. Because it was time for dinner, and my kids needed to eat and go to sleep. And life goes on."
She said she was determined to remain strong for her family, keeping her focus on maintaining a sense of normalcy for her children. She kept daily routines and pre-planned trips, refusing to let the illness disrupt their lives.
The week after her diagnosis, "we got on the plane and we went to Disney," Valiente said, noting that the vacation had been in the works for months. "It gave me the opportunity to tell my sister in person, and she helped me to tell my mom on the phone. And we had an amazing trip. My kids had so much fun. We had been looking forward to the trip."
After returning home, she continued focusing on her children's needs, shielding them from the emotional weight she carried.
"Everything was my kids. And trying to have a stable home-- that, for me, was number one priority," Valiente said. "They never saw me cry."
In fact, she said she fought back tears through doctor's visits, a mastectomy, and the road to recovery. She fought to maintain stability, even as her world changed.
Although Valiente was declared cancer-free three months after her diagnosis, "it took me nine months to finally realize that I had breast cancer," she said. "Like, I didn’t allow myself to feel nothing for so long."
That changed when her husband returned home from deployment.
"I wasn’t the same person he left," Valiente said. "And I was finally with someone that I could give my kids to and just leave the house and cry. So, that’s when I finally let the wall down, and I started feeling and understanding what had happened."
She said she needed to start figuring out who she was becoming, and that journey has not been easy. The process forced her to confront both physical and emotional changes.
"I see my scars every day. And even though you don’t see them, that doesn’t mean that they’re not there," Valiente said. "Just because I only had cancer for three months, and I, thankfully, I didn’t need any treatment... but just because it was short, it doesn’t change how much my life changed after those three months."
She shared some of the changes that were beginning to shape this new chapter of her life.
"I take medicines every day. I was in menopause at 38 years old," Valiente said. "I was living in fear for three years-- every three months, going to the doctor's and having panic attacks driving to the doctor."
Now, she doesn't have to face those emotions alone. Valiente found support in a community of fellow survivors who understood her journey.
"Here for the Girls became a place that I was allowed to be whoever I wanted to be at that moment," she said. The group brings women diagnosed with breast cancer under age 51 together to share their experiences and create bonds. "I had friends to cry with, that understood why I was crying for. And friends to laugh with."
Valiente mentioned that she also had friends who know what it's like to go through change. She gifted some of them with a "pocket heart"-- a small keepsake made of resin. It serves as a reminder of the strength they've found in each other and provides a tangible way to carry their connection with them.
"I wanted to give them something that will remind them that we are so much more than what people see," Valiente said. "We all have different stories, but we have all walked in the same shoes."
She hopes the gesture offers them comfort during tough times, reinforcing the idea that they are not alone on their journeys and encouraging them to embrace their new identities together.
"There is a life after breast cancer," Valiente said, "and it took me a long time to understand that I am allowed to be happy again and live my life. And that’s what I’m trying to do."
She emphasized the importance of early detection, noting that it saved her life. She urges others to prioritize regular screenings and self-exams, sharing that her persistence in getting a mammogram led to her early diagnosis.
"It saved me from a lot of things that I didn’t have to go through, just because I was on top of it," Valiente said. "People asked me the other day, 'You had breast cancer, and you're laughing and you're celebrating it?' And I said, 'Yes, because I’m still here."'
She is one of the 12 women featured in the Here for the Girls 2024 'A Calendar to Live By'. It shares the stories of survivors, provides breast health guidance, and offers advice to other young women newly diagnosed with breast cancer.
